I'm not that strong
by KHwhitelion
Summary: For all my strengths and genius, my heart is where I'm weakest. My trust in others, my hand of friendship...always tend to come back to haunt. To hurt. They might be by my side but they'll never fill your place. Post First Class.


**Just like the last fic I posted, this, too, was attached to a dA pic I drew, but I really liked the written piece, so decided to post it. I'm...obsessed with this fandom right now XD Particularly with Charles and his relationship with Erik. Aaand being the angst-addict that I am...you can bet I prefer to explore the darker side of things XD Just cuz...well...someone has to do it, right? **

**Anyway, enjoy this little drabble :) I certainly enjoyed writing it!**

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><p>I shouldn't be surprised by all this.<p>

I really shouldn't be.

After all, I'd read your mind; knew everything about you and in turn, I knew where you stood. Who'd you'd fight for if given the choice.

I knew our time together wasn't meant to last.

But damned, selfish fool that I am, I didn't want to believe it.

I didn't want to believe the day would come for you to make that choice and that you'd side with it over me. That you'd follow your "creator's" teachings-a man who tortured and berated you until the Holocaust's end-and leave behind everything we'd worked for. Everything we'd achieved.

Our kind was still young and new in the eyes of the world and while we'd gotten off on the wrong foot I really thought between us two we could make them understand us.

Accept us.

See us for who we are, and not what.

Never what.

But that...that wasn't an option for you, was it? Peace, I mean. The world hurt you and you wanted to hurt it back; regardless of whom else went down in the process; friendships meant nothing as long as you attained your goal. Whatever that may be. I haven't a clue anymore.

I thought I knew you-as I stated previously, I'm no stranger to your thoughts, your memories or your motives. But that day...that day was the first time I realized there was some dark corner inside your head even my telepathy couldn't reach. Even without that bloody helmet.

Tell me, honestly: what did you hope to achieve when you walked away?

What did you think I would do when you disappeared with my sister and the others?

That I'd get up, brush myself off and go about my merry way as I had before we'd met?

That I'd return to New York with my remaining students and continue to teach them as if nothing ever happened?

That I wouldn't once...miss you?

I'm not that strong, Erik.

For all my strengths and genius, my heart is where I'm weakest. My trust in others, my hand of friendship...always tend to come back to haunt. To hurt.

Yes. Hurt.

Because I _am_ hurting, Erik; I have been from the moment you left me alone to face that world you so dreadfully despised. Alex, Hank, Sean...they have my back, but as it's bound to a...a damned, bloody wheelchair that isn't saying much. I'm not the same man in their eyes anymore. It burns so strongly in their eyes I needn't read their thoughts for confirmation. I'm just a patient to them; a broken man knocked free from the authoritative podium he once stood upon. They pity me...but they can't help me.

And I'm honestly not sure they ever will.

Not because they, too, will turn away one day...but because...but because they aren't_ you._

My best friend. My companion. My once-thought alley against society's misunderstanding eyes. They won't entertain me in chess, best me in a drinking game or ruffle my hair for the sake of being a prat.

They won't argue their case, challenging my ideals and make me fight to prove what I believe in.

They may be on my side...but they'll never fill your place.

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><p><strong>A lot of people have Charles forgiving Erik what what he did...but I'm not so sure he would, at least, not right away. <strong>

**The guy accidentally shot him, crippled him, took his sister and then LEFT without so much as a second thought...maybe I'm just overly sympathetic to Charles...or maybe I'm still angry at Erik for following canon. Who knows.**


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